It's now almost six weeks post-Kona and life has again become routine. Now is the time to deal with all the stuff I put off for the months I was so hard at work training for the Big Race. I've got a bigger case of Post-Ironman depression than I've ever experienced after other IM races. I know it's all part of a larger stress of life in general, with much up in the air with work, the economy destroying the industry in which I work sharply reducing my income, holidays coming, blah blah blah. When I had this structured training plan waiting for me every morning, I was focused on that because I was so motivated and so excited, and I let a lot of other things slip a bit or did just enough to get by, knowing that after Kona I'd get back to all that.
Now I have no structure to my training, and some days no desire to even do anything physical. People tell me it's ok, that it's actually good - the offseason is a time that your body needs a break to heal, rebuild, rest. You should do things for fun - take my dogs out to play, hike, mountain bike, yoga. And I am, but something just doesn't feel right.
While being in the best shape of my life this summer and fall was great, I'm finding it so challenging to maintain long-term in real life, both mentally and physically. And once you've achieved it, there's pressure to keep it, and nagging guilt and letdown when it starts to slip away when you aren't training 20+ hours a week anymore. A couple of pounds creep back and you feel like you are nearing that slippery slope of having another piece of chocolate, spending another hour wasting time on Facebook and blowing off still another boring swim workout. It's twisted and I know that on an intellectual level, yet I wonder....
- What do other people know that I don't know with regard to building a body that stays lean and reasonably fit all year without much maintenance? I can get there but for me, it takes a TON of work and sacrifice. Is it all a myth that it's possible? I don't want to spend 20 hours a week exercising my whole life.
An attitude adjustment might help me. But I do wonder how others manage their heads in the offseason after the high of a really special racing season. Living with the same discipline I adopted this summer and fall doesn't seem to be sustainable in the absence of tangible goals like a race which is a few months down the road. I have so many things I need to be doing right now to get stronger for next racing season, and even more important re-focusing my career energies. I know I need to expand professionally as well, but that project has its own set of issues with regard to freedom and passion. Career focus is obviously more important right now but as I step back from training a bit I'm losing that precious fitness and leanness which was achieved only with great effort. It's such a crazy mind game that sometimes leaves me feeling bad, yet paralyzed and doing little about either fitness or career.
There. I vented and shared my dark musings. In the big scheme of things, I'm still very blessed in so many ways and things could be a lot worse - I know that and try to let that perspective buffer all the poor-me thoughts.
Ok, time for a mind shift...instead of thinking of issues as problems, I need to think of them as PROJECTS. Problems = negative; projects = positive, with potential and achievable.
Love to hear comments from anyone who's "been there."
