Addicted to Neoprene

It's the family secret nobody talks about.  Addictions.  Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling....and neoprene.  I have a long-sleeve and short-sleeve wetsuit and I love them both.  Each has a special place in my heart.  The long-sleeve BlueSeventy kept me warm, buoyant and alive during my recent Alcatraz swim.  The sleeveless Ironman wetsuit has seen years of swims, allowing me to move my arms freely but with that extra confidence  of having my own personal inner tube.   But there comes a day when once must face her own inner demons. I have swatted the open water fear thing to the ground, knowing that in a wetsuit it's virtually impossible to drown even during a panic attack.  

When I qualified for the Hawaii Ironman at a race in Lubbock a few weeks ago, I didn't think twice about saying YES to the invitation to compete there.   Yes, it's true that the water temperature is typically above 80 degrees and wetsuits would be really uncomfortable even if they allowed them.  And it's the ocean, with that beautiful salt-water buoyancy. As luck would have it, we were in Jamaica back in April and swam every day in the ocean....it was fine...enjoyable, even wonderful.  Little did I know then that I'd be doing 2.4 miles of that in October.

So today was the first day that I forced myself to swim outside the protected swim area of the Boulder Reservoir "sans wetsuit."  Did one lap with my wetsuit, took it off, did the rest of the swim without it.   The hard part comes when I'm way out there and the thought creeps into my mind "Holy sh*%#$, I'm out here swimming all by myself and out of control...(yes, I apparently like to be in control) ....OMG"  So I made sure that I just paused a couple of times out there, felt that out of control feeling, dealt with it, moved on & didn't die.   I think my swim stroke may even be a little better without the neoprene crutch. Who knew?

Every time I this, it's gonna feel better.  Small steps.  I'm on the 12 step program, today was step 1.  I can do this.  After all, I'm an Alcatraz Survivor.